Are YOU single, and living it up?

Those that know me well and I mean really well, know I am very passionate.

I am passionate about people.

I am passionate about young people and yes, women.

I am passionate about young women and men making the most of their lives and living it up the best way they know how.

I’m of the opinion that your best life is what you make of it NOW. No time to waste. No time to just dream. You must dream and take action, because the best you will ever get is the best you ever give yourself. And the best fuel to drive you to your destination, is YOU!

When I was young and foolish, I wasted a few years of my life worrying about things that in the grand scheme of things were really unimportant.

Did it really matter what anyone thought of me?

Did it really matter if I was pretty or as pretty or prettier than the other girl?

Did it really matter how many men lined up for my attention? And did it really matter if the one man that caught my eye didn’t even try to get or retain my attention?

Did it all really matter? I say no.

What did matter is what I thought of myself. What I wanted to get out of life. What I hoped my future to be beyond just living that gruelling stereotype that as a young woman, particularly after finishing university, the next best thing was to get married and start making babies. Was that really it? The next best thing?

I don’t know but I do know that I spent my teenage years chasing boys or perhaps they were chasing me. I don’t know. Perhaps a bit of both? I spent my semi adult life trying to undo some of the damages I had done to myself in my teenage years through clearly made bad decisions…but still chasing boys, men; depending on who I met.

By my mid twenties going to late twenties, I had redeemed some of my gruesome past, but the hunt for a man; the longing and yearning for him never stopped. In fact I don’t think I knew anything better: he was my goal; my preoccupation; I focused only on him; I fantasised only about him that by the time I reached my early thirties, oh my God, time had slipped away so quickly before I realised I actually haven’t actualised any real goals, because all my preoccupation was on him and nursing the emotional wounds he inflicted on me.

Early thirty something and I wished for a time portal that will take me back to …1995 – the loss of innocence – where it all began…because I wanted to do it all over again.

I wanted to live.

I wanted to make the right choices, this time.

I wanted to change my focus.

I wanted to chase after me and not him, because I now knew that the real him will find me – it was only a matter of time. And even if he didn’t show up, I was ok living, living for me.

So you mean you didn’t have to spend all those years distracted, chasing after those frogs whom you thought would be princes and would turn your life around? No.

No. I shouldn’t have spent the prime of my years pining for a man, lying awake on those sleepless nights, crying, feeling sorry for myself and hating myself because I didn’t have a man in my life, and if I did, crying over the fact that he was a bit of a jerk and didn’t send my world spinning like I had expected and read in those romantic novels.

No. I didn’t have to.

I could have spent my best days living it up; investing more in me; honing my skills; talents; gifts; marking a place for myself in this big world filled with many opportunities!

I could have! And you should!

If you are young and single, don’t run on empty! Chasing after empty dreams. Giving and never receiving! Drained, never filled!

Make the most of your life now.

Dream big and take deliberating actions to make your dreams come true.

Marriage is not the be all and end all.
There is a time for everything; a time to cry and a time to laugh; a time to build and a time to tear down.

This is your time to build! Invent yourself!

Marriage will come in its time (if it’s what you want).

It’s your time – while you wait for your paths to cross – to do all and be all you want to be. Be your best self now.

Don’t lay awake in hopelessness feeling your life is incomplete without someone.

You are already whole…you are completely you! Let the best of you meet the best of him…the best of her…so in that future you can be the best of each other; two strong pillars standing tall together that no powerful force can tear down!

Live and let live baby! Live it up: single and love it.

Single and achieving it! Single and changing the world!

Single and making impact!

At the end of the day, what really matters is the impact we’ve made, not just the little lives we have built for ourselves or with others!

If you consider yourself not so young and are single, or perhaps you are even married and feel like you’ve wasted your prime roaming life aimlessly, it’s not too late to rebuild and reinvent yourself.

Reinvent yourself…start again from where ever you are and bring back colour and life to that world you’ve considered dark and dead.

Remember, the best fuel to drive you to your destination, is YOU!

If the fuel is not right, chances are the vehicle will break down along the way. Don’t let that be you.

P.S. What if you got a chance to go back to your single days and fix all the time you wasted. How would you live it up better? What would you change?

Please feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts – Let’s discuss.

You can also email me: Would love to hear from you.

Have a fab day!


  • Seyi

    02/10/2018 at 10:33 am

    Very good read and very good points. A part of me feels like this may have something to do with the typical stereotype of how a woman’s life ‘should’ be. Of course times are now changing and the world is slowly becoming more open to the fact that women also have needs outside of marriage in order for them to feel fulfilled and what have you.

    The beautiful thing is that it’s never too late to really LIVE IT UP and life promises an amazing experience to those who dare to grab it so let’s all live it up to the best of our abilities

    I think it’s important to have fun, explore, live it up in your youth but also bear in mind that you will want to marry one day and you may have to pay later for some of the things you may get up to. In my opinion BALANCE is the order of the day when it comes to these things…

  • Dominique

    28/09/2018 at 2:15 pm

    I know I’m young but I’ve always felt there’s more to life than marriage or settling down with someone. It’s really a good feeling to know that doing what’s best for me is what matters. Of course sometimes seeing my peers go on about their boyfriends and some of my age mates even getting married (lol). Right now I’m living my best life by travelling and pursuing my passion, it feels amazing although lonely sometimes but I’m glad to hear from someone older than me that it’s the right thing to do. Beautiful read, love

    • Abi Opall

      28/09/2018 at 3:18 pm

      I’m glad you are living your best life and doing what is right for you. I think when you feel it’s time for YOU to enter into a relationship and possibly get married, you would know. Keep doing your thing.

      I know the feeling of comparing oneself to friends etc…but let that not be the driving force to enter into a relationship. If you meet someone along the way, whom you think you can settle with, so be it.

      Peer pressure can lead one to some very hard and difficult consequence e.g. rushing and therefore hooking up with the absolute wrong person and later having regrets.

      Take your time, no rush. In its time it will fall in place.

      But there are benefits to marrying earlier though, having kids earlier. However, it is always your decision at the end of the day.

      The most important thing is you are living your life, on your terms and are comfortable with your decisions no matter how it pan out.

      • Dominique

        28/09/2018 at 3:47 pm

        Thank you so much for this. Learning to do what is best for me is a process and your words are just reiterating what I feel, thank you!

  • Abi

    26/09/2018 at 12:33 pm

    As always, I love this!

    It’s so true and like someone “Alex” said, it’s never too late to live it up!

    This is what I’ll try to do, it takes a conscious effort to remember this as those old thoughts subtly set it.

    It also helps to have people around who remind you

  • Alex

    24/09/2018 at 6:18 pm

    If I could go back, the younger version of me would know better, do better, be better….But like you rightly said. Its never too late to LIVE IT UP!. That’s what I’m doing right now. Living in Purpose – Being the best version of myself. Thank you Abi for this wonderful article. Such wise words.


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