Have you ever considered where the majority of your beliefs and value systems are coming from?
Recently, I joined a coaching program, and part of the exercise activity was to look at some of the stories you have been taught growing up and how it has or is shaping our actions and behaviour today.
It was interesting to note for me that one of the stories I was told growing up and until my 20s was that somehow everyone else knew what was good for me. They knew what I deserved. They knew what I am to like, want or not want or like.
Even in the church environment, apparently, my spiritual life had a compass that wasn’t measured by me, but by some others, who seemed to be able to gauge the depth of my relationship with God, and whether I was “spiritually matured” to take certain “actions” and “decisions” for my life or not.
It turned out, everyone else always knew better and I didn’t.
One of the best experience I ever had. One of the most liberating moments of my life. One of the absolutely first and beautiful moment that I knew and discovered that I had the capacity within myself to make a decision, determine the course of my life, work towards my goals, and the ultimate greatest part of it, do it without anyone’s consent or approval, was when I got up that sometime just over 10 years ago, walk to my mentor’s office and resigned my job as an administrator within the church office.
It was a decision that didn’t win me many or any accolades. I was refuted and questioned repeatedly. How could you resign when you do not have another job? Who did you speak to before making this decision? I remember my mentor then asked every single person she knew that I had a close relationship with if I had spoken to them initially before taking this decision and all responses were no.
Why is this important? It is important because it shows something, and that is, sometimes others may have good intention towards you, they may care about you in their own way and seek to do what they consider is in your best interest, but the reality is no one, and I mean absolutely no one can know what makes you tick better than yourself. No one can know what is truly in the depth of your soul except you. No one knows what makes your heart sing more than or better than you. It doesn’t matter how beautiful and wonderful their intentions are if it’s not in alignment with what you believe you should be doing, who you think you are or where you think you should be, it is perfectly okay to disengage from their well-intended ideologies and beliefs and find and chart your own path, the one that rings true to your soul.
If you don’t step out towards what you believe is right for you against all odds, not minding who is standing alongside you or not, or cheering you on, you will remain stuck under the ceiling of limitations and you will never be able to win or soar. You will always achieve beneath your potential or simply not achieve at all or worse still, living everyone else’s dreams and not your own.
Here is the thing, I spent a number of my years, allowing others to determine my taste buds, determine my passion, define who I supposedly am or who I ought to be. At a point, I am certain I suffered an identity crisis where who they say I am didn’t fit with who I believed inwardly to be.
I remembered a struggle when I was accused of not being spiritual enough and yet I knew every night, every moment I prayed. How I supposedly wasn’t hearing God enough or letting the Spirit of God work through me enough. Or even that I wasn’t reading my bible enough, yet I have many pages to prove my bible study notes, received many guidances either via dreams or simply receives words and inspirations in my spirit and goodness I took decisions based on what my spirit told me, what that inner voice said, that internal guide.
I was conflicted and this conflict made me question my relationship with God and everything I experienced at home, within my spiritual closet. I allowed their voices to be bigger, that it threw a spanner into my spiritual walk.
I was so conflicted and unhappy for the longest time and I couldn’t share my voice. All I saw and believed were what they said, what they thought. So, even if I wanted to speak, I second-guessed myself. If it wasn’t fact-checked by someone else who supposedly “knew more”, then it wasn’t true. I was wrong and everyone else was right.
Can I be completely honest with you? Sometimes, even now I still do, second-guess myself, seeking assurance before I do certain things, almost asking for permission, seeking approval or consent? However, there’s a difference and I have changed. The difference is now I am aware and able to challenge myself outside what is comfortable, habitual and safe.
Instead of second-guessing, I challenge myself to listen to my inner guidance. Instead of self-doubting, I hold myself up to be more self-trusting.
I choose to listen to the inner voice, take risks, take that action, even when I am shaking in my boots. I throw myself into the deep end and the purpose is so that I can learn to hear me. Listen. Trust me. Trust my guide. Trust my intuition. Trust the spirit if you will.
I realised something: the more you listen, trust and follow-through an action as intuitively guided, your inner compass, inner voice, intuition becomes clearer and sharper. You become surer; of yourself, trusting that you have what it takes within you to make the right decision for you at the right time.
So my word for you for today is when you feel it is okay at your core, go with it. Stop second-guessing yourself. Trust your intuition. You will never know until you have tried. You can spend a lifetime second-guessing yourself, but you will never know you have what it takes to do all you desire to do until you start trusting yourself and actually doing what you want to. Take action!
What happened after I quit my job and even when it was offered back to me and I declined? I entered into a new sector where every skill, every growth and development I have made and built upon in the last few years happened. I did things I never dreamt I would have been able to do. I realized potentials I never thought I had. I became more confident and I earned my respect.
To get to where ever you decide you want to go, you have to stop listening to other people’s voices and trust your own. You have the capacity to be all that you want to be. It’s all in you. Trust that feeling.