Can my deep call unto your deep?

There is a period…a season that I have been going through. A yearning within me asking for MORE! More Depth. More connection. MORE something.

Though I haven’t quite got my hands on it, one thing is certain, there is a depth in me seeking another depth. A deep in me calling for another deep!

I failed perhaps to dive much into it until I received a message from a young woman after reading one of my previous post ‘Are YOU single, and living it up?’

In her message she said the message of the post resounded in her, and that what I had written – living your best life now, even as you are single – is exactly what she’s doing. However, she had a struggle and wanted my opinion. In her own words, she asked, ‘how do I deal with feeling like maybe I’m doing what’s good for me but people I’m friends with aren’t growing or doing things at my pace so I start to feel alone or maybe I’m doing too much?’

When I received that message, that was when I realised myself what it was I was seeking and exactly what I thought it was she herself is seeking, And I made my inference from that word ‘alone’. ‘I start to feel alone’. She starts to feel alone because the people around her do not feel the same way she feels. They perhaps do not share the same vision as her.

My judgement was confirmed in my audio conversation with her, where I later realised that truly her friends do not understand her, some not that keen to listen and hear her and rather too quick to judge her because she didn’t fit into their superficial lifestyles and arcane manner of doing things. She wanted more out of life, and her more was too much for them. After all one of her friends had said: they are all still only in their very early 20s?

From talking to her, from listening and even discussing how I had been feeling myself so that she knew and realised she wasn’t alone, I got it, I got exactly what it is we were seeking.

We sought MORE! More AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS. Purposeful relationships. The perfect examples of Iron sharpen iron.

We sought people in our lives that we feel we can CONNECT with. People who get us. People who share the same vision as us. People who do not jump to make harsh conclusions about us. People who actually would give us the liberty to be ourselves and not expect us to change to fit into whatever idea or person they feel they can be comfortable with, restricted by their limitations. People who understand that there is a blessing to acknowledge and receive in our differences.

I told my early 20 something friend, not to dummy down herself for the sake of her friends, who possibly just are not and haven’t reached the same level as her at this moment.

I told her not to feel bad about wanting more, and definitely don’t stop achieving just to make some other people comfortable at their level.

Last but not the least, I told her: seek after those whose heart beats to the same rhythm as yours. Let the deep you seek reach out to another with that same deep…which definitely exist out there. Basically saying, get CONNECTED!

I realised that in order to get connected and really connect with others who have something in common with us, something, which just didn’t exist on the surface, something we can really count on, we have to be willing to take risks, take chances.

My mind skipped to so many other individuals who have been and are going through some difficult life challenges and in my conversations with them, I realise that there was and still is, a struggle to really go through successfully, less painfully because again, something is missing, CONNECTION.

What is lacking?

Someone to really talk to. Someone to really be open and honest with. Someone not quick to judge. Someone that will actually listen and hear what you are saying.

Someone who can literally just hold your hand and tell you they are and will be there for you and go through with you. Someone you can just count on and depend on.

And no they do not have to have all the answers to your problem. No they do not have to be Mr or Mrs Fix it all… But just a support, that support…no strings attached. Unconditional love. Total and complete acceptance.

Why is such friendship or relationship difficult to find or develop?

Tracking my mind back, I can say that once upon a time I had a relationship quite similar to this, if not more. It was a friendship relationship, where I could be all of me.

My friend, she saw all of me. The crazy side of me no one ever saw. The jokey side of me no one knew. The naughty, the stubborn, and the sensitive and most vulnerable aspect of me that I am uncertain if anyone else have ever seen or known. She saw me in my DARK days.

It was that friendship that really helped to shape the kind of person I have grown to be. It was in that friendship that I truly understood the meaning of love that wanted nothing in return, showing genuine care and receiving complete and total acceptance.

She was there for me through every bit of my journey from crazy to making it work in life.

She was a friend that I could count on, any time, any day. In fact she called practically everyday. If no one else called, she called. Even her marriage didn’t change that.

She was that friend that I knew, even if over time we had to be separated and she had to move to another country with her husband or I to another country doing my own thing, I was certain our friendship would not change. I would still have been secured in her love. Even if I didn’t see her in 20 years, she was my friend and I knew she cared for me…no doubt…not one at all. Hundred per cent everyday she had my back!!

If I could have at one time experienced such a relationship, surely, such relationships can still exist and can be built.

Granted it wasn’t built over night. We both invested time into it. I took the initial risks to build that relationship, because I sought after her. I did the most phone calls and was consistent. The irony. The same person that called less became the one that called most.

Point is, if there’s an opportunity to build an authentic relationship, let’s build it.

We can continue to do the superficial ones we do, but over time, when it is really relevant, what would these kinds of relationships give us?

There’s a difference between a friend you hang out with when you are bored and one you can really be yourself with, even down to your most deadly secret.

This friend is the one that will not just tell you what you want to hear, but tell you what you NEED to hear.

So they not only accept you but also challenge you!! All pointing you in the right direction, to BE the best of you!!!

How willing are you to take that risk?

P.S. Just in case you wondered, what happened between me and my friend – my perfect example of an authentic friendship relationship – why I talked about her in the past? It’s because a few years ago, she passed away.

The lesson there: Life is too short. Let’s not waste time being afraid, afraid  to love, afraid to care. Let’s take a chance and reach out to someone while it is still today. I guarantee there are those whose hearts are calling out to you. Those who need you just as much as you need them.

Let’s reach out; let’s be there for one another.

Let my deep connect with your deep!

Thank you for reading.

Let me know your thoughts. Leave a comment, let’s discuss.

If you want to send me an email, it’s abi@abiscope.com

Have a fab day.

7 Comments

  • fletcher

    05/10/2018 at 11:51 am

    i like the inferences made in this article and the conclusions to not waste time being afraid of living life. However, is there more to ones deep calling on to deep of another than you have explained in this article, it seems to me that you have only expressed how we should express our preferences when making relationships. with this in mind should we seek deep meaningful relationships in everyone or she we just have a few of these?

    Reply
    • Abi Opall

      05/10/2018 at 2:40 pm

      Hi Fletcher. thank you so much for your response to my post. Truly appreciated. To address the issues you have raised, I would respond this way:

      Firstly, often times it appears that people forget that with regards to our human existence, everything is relational. Everything is linked to another. One thing link us to one another, one way or the other. Though, we cannot ignore that in some instances, there are barriers to this. Some barriers we may be able to shift easily and others it may take a bit of time. To say we would be able to shift every barrier, would be to demand for world peace in the next instant, which of course would be a ludicrous expectation.

      In my opinion, it really does not matter whether it is business that links us, whether one choose to accept it or not, that is a form of relationship. And whether it is work, leisure, faith, life goals, purpose, or outlook in life etc that links us, those things that we have in common, that I call the gateway to our depths connecting; the entrance into a more authentic relationship.

      I’m of the opinion, that as human beings, it doesn’t matter if you are the world richest CEO, fundamentally your human soul always seeks more, more depth, and sometimes this we can only get from another human being because honestly I do believe we are created to be interdependent, no matter what channel or means we start to develop that relationship. I think it’s a common law or principle that is applicable to all, not minding what level they are in society.

      To answer your question, can my deep connect with every single person I meet? What do you think? Can it and should it? I think we should be open to receive all, but not every single person will satisfy you and vice versa every time you meet them. Some relationships are more intentional than that and sometimes to get deep, you have to actively work on it.

      Reply
  • SkinnyThaSlim

    02/10/2018 at 11:02 pm

    Profound friendship , is established by one’s active vertical relationship, upon which the standard of companionship is derived, understood, and reflected horizontally, with the world around us, and intimately with those closet to us.

    I would further argue that, the ebb and flow of thereof, is as a reflection, alluded earlier to one’s own vertical relationship and understanding of the standard of true friendship.

    Therefore, it is not a self seeking pursuit, drunk of self promotion, careered off the highway. But a daily, signatured drive, of scarficial love, understanding , trust and complete honesty; freedom to express thusly, without condemnation, or sullenness.
    Lastly, this type of friendship isn’t sort in the world; on the contrary it is abhored and avoided. For, superficial, walking on eggs shells, shallow abhorrent variants of friendship, where the object and predicate is self. This kind of relationship is based on no vertical standard, therefore, no roots.

    Is it possible for my deep to resonate with your deep, profoundly, absolutely. How so? Simply by the standard, eternally set and defined, unconstraint by humans emotions, is the object of my life, then such a relationship is not only possible but encouraged.

    Reply
  • Seyi

    02/10/2018 at 10:56 am

    Authentic connection is such a beautiful yet rare thing, whenever we do find it let’s cherish them forever. I believe one of the best ways we can connect with each other is by having deep, meaningful relations with ourselves and getting to the DEEP within us so we can share that with others who have also done the same. I believe there is still hope out there…

    Reply
  • ifeanyi onwuka

    02/10/2018 at 8:14 am

    very good write write up and thought provoking. Also in the chase for friends of like mind, do not forget that you have to be willing to be to others what you would like them to be to you. We can not expect to be in an open relationship with another (even those you perceive as like minded) if we are not willing to be open with them.

    Reply
  • Yinka A. Opalade

    01/10/2018 at 1:20 pm

    Hmm. A very touching story of love, support, encouragement and determination. Yes determination, because you were both determined to make your friendship what is was. Then, we have some people “friends” who have no reasons to build a lasting relationship with us and no matter how hard we try, they are indifferent to our efforts to build. Your deep can only connect to mine if our frequency range is the same. What brings us together as friends is what separate us as such. If your belief is different from mine we can not be together. It’s like the old saying ” birds of the same feathers flock together”. The moment there’s a change in your frequency (beliefs) which shapes your life experiences, some of your friends who can’t go at your pace will drop. We need to know when to let go of stinky relationships. We need to learn to be alone when no one seems to understand the battle we are fighting within. We need to allow our spirit man to lead the way, regardless of what people around us think. I looked back on all the battles I have fought and how many friends I have lost. I reflect on the ones I fought recently and what some people around me told me. Now, I know it’s all about me. It’s all about what I am seeing, where I am going and how I will get there. It depends on me. It’s my responsibility. But there are those who are on the same journey, who have the same urge as do I to ‘be’ more and ‘do’ more. Those are my friends now. We support, love, encourage and watch out for one another. Now another question is who’s got your back and who’s back you got?

    Reply
  • Temitayo

    01/10/2018 at 12:15 pm

    This touches deep into what many people struggle with ;which is the ability to follow your mind and be yourself instead of following the crowd and lose yourself.nice write up Abi!

    Reply

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