This post was actually a response to a comment I received from the post ‘Looking after children is a woman’s job? I felt it was worth being reposted as a new post and so it didn’t get lost in the comment section. Happy Reading! 😊
While I can agree that cooking and washing kids clothes does not make someone a good dad, just in the same way going to work and ‘bringing home the bacon’ does not constitute a good dad.
I think the crunch of my message in the post Looking after children is a woman’s job? is in essence not an issue of who can cook and who cannot cook etc, but rather the question of this ideology that it is unheard of for a man to get involve in the day to day activities of raising the children in the home because that post, that role, that job is reserved to the woman.
Personally I believe a man who cannot step up in his home, who cannot lead by example and get involve in his daily household affairs, is not a good man in my books.
Because realistically, the father a child grows to adore is not the one that just slams a few pounds on the table and say here you go, go do whatever you want to do with it. (Even though some men even fail in this area).
I bet a child will rather have a father who is involved. Who looks after and spends quality time with him or her. A father who is not afraid to get dirty and put his hands on the plough. A father who does not come home every night and just head straight to the bedroom, ‘I need to lie down because it’s been an hectic day at work’, and spends no time with his children or wife. A man who doesn’t make time.
As a mother, there are plenty things I enjoy when looking after my kids. The moments will share. My daughter is almost three and we cook together. I let her mix the pancake batter when I’m cooking. She likes it when we sing songs etc, when I put on some music and decide we are going to dance and shake our bumbums. The same with my son. Those moments are precious.
The way I feel about those moments, is the same way I feel, when I see my husband and my daughter sorting beans together, because daddy is going to make us beans. It’s the same warm feeling I get when they are sorting clothes out together for the washing machine. When he is reading to them, singing with them, putting them to sleep, and when they are laughing even when sometimes I don’t get the joke because I missed it. Those moments again are priceless.
What or who is a good father? A good father is a good man, he is a good husband. He is one, who along with his wife sets the atmosphere for how their home is going to be.
My husband cannot go out without giving the children or me a kiss. Likewise I cannot go out without giving my husband a kiss or the children a kiss. Even when we are rushing and we forget… our children demands it. That is the atmosphere we have set.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that is all to it. Of course there is more. Point is we are building a foundation for our kids, and our relationship and how we choose to do things impacts on our children. It sets precedence for them.
When as a man you get home, do your children jump and down in excitement to see you? Or do they just continue whatever it is they were doing, almost not even acknowledging your presence? Nothing more can be said about daddy, he just does his own thing.
Or at its worst, are you one that when you get home, your children literally run to their mother and glue to her because they are not sure what kind of mood daddy is going to be in?
Whether we like it or not, our behaviours and characters as parents and as a family unit, lays the foundation of our children’s expectation in the future or the lack thereof.
Our children will watch how we treat each other as husband and wife. They will notice and it will register with them how mummy treated daddy, how daddy treated mummy. They will note whether mummy and daddy supported each other or not. Was mummy a tremendous nag and was daddy a megalomaniac chauvinist?
Our children will either grow up to model our behaviour or grow up to detest them!
Honestly, I rather my kids grow up to model my good behaviour. The behaviour I expect them to exhibit in their life because I believe it works; it’s the best way to go.
I want my daughter to know that a man who does not value women and does not treat her with kindness (as she has an example in her father) is not good enough man for her.
And I want my son to grow up knowing that a woman who cannot appreciate a good man and respect him when he present himself, is not worth his time. I want him to know that a woman that is screaming, ‘hit me, beat me, you are a jerk’ is definitely not the one to bring home and introduced to us as a wife.
Gone are those days when women want “bad boys”. No I do not want a man that would hit me. No I do not want a man that will verbally abuse me. No I do not want a man who cannot put my wellbeing above his own, just as I do the same. No I do not want a man who cannot support around the home beyond providing financial support (if at all) because it is not a “cool” thing for a man to do. No I don’t want it. He can keep a million miles away for all I care.
I want to raise a son who can appreciate a woman and care for her as if he were caring for himself. Because when a man loves himself and cares for himself, he will understand that his wife, his children, his family are an extension of him. So if he’s not treating them right and not supporting them appropriately, it’s just a reflection of how as a man truly he has fallen. In essence he has failed himself and truly does not love himself.
Thank you for reading.
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You can also email me: firstname.lastname@example.org