Some time last week, my husband received a phone call from one of his old school mate. Apparently, this man had called to catch up and see what my husband has been up to.
My husband told him (at the time of their conversation) he was currently at home looking after our kids. His friend’s immediate response was, “you are looking after kids? You are a man, that’s a woman’s job.”
Apparently, because my husband is super-intelligent and used to do his assignments when they were in school (which speaks a lot about him), he expected that my husband “would be doing bigger and better things” for himself and not be home looking after kids.
What did you just say?
Now my husband is the most responsible man that I know. And I am not just saying that because he is my husband … it’s simply because it’s the truth.
No offence to any woman, but not very often would you find a woman that can boast of a man who not only provides for his family financially, but also cooks for them, helps around the house with cleaning, laundry, taking care of the children – changing pampers, giving them a bath and more.
And gives his wife the freedom to be and express herself, without thinking her uplifting is his downfall or her right to be herself means he has failed as a man or as what some consider the ‘head of the home’.
Now don’t get me wrong ladies, I am not saying a man who doesn’t cook for you etc is not a good man because some people unfortunately were not trained in this area.
But I just want to point out that there is a difference between a man who can’t but wants to (he’d even learn and do the best he can) and a man who can but CHOOSE or REFUSE to because he believes “it’s a woman’s job“.
So if the woman is down and tired, he doesn’t care. Pregnant and unwell, it’s not his business because after all pregnancy is not a sickness. She just has to make sure his meal is ready by 7pm sharp when he gets home…amongst other things.
Unfortunately, such men exist and not necessarily do they have to present as monsters. They are a misguided bunch in my own opinion, liken to a dog chasing its own tail (pardon the pun).
When a man is confident in who he is, he does not have time for his ego to get the best of him, because he knows that his ego does not justify or guarantee him the best of life.
This man understands that his life is built on his very own sound, strong and definite values and principles. Not what society or someone say he is meant to be.
He unapologetically defines his manhood! And we see the evidence of this in his character; how he deals with and talks to his wife (openly and behind closed doors), his interaction with his children, how he addresses his community and the added value he brings every time he steps into a room. That is a MAN! To me! And that is who my husband is!
Men… what kind of wife or woman do you want to come home to?
One that is genuinely happy to see you and is content with the life you have built together? Or one that even though she smiles at you, looks after your kids, cook, clean and even sleeps with you without complaints, but secretly, is disgruntled and actually loathes who you are?
If the latter is what you want, then I dare say, you do not deserve her! Because you should care about her well-being!
If helping in the home will make life easier for her, most especially when she works full time too. Why not? Does it really make you less of a man?
When I support my husband with his goals, vision and aspirations, I do it with joy and without any ounce of resentment or bitterness because I am happy to do it because he is a man that puts me and his children first, making every sacrifice to be there for us, serve us and protect us.
I can trust him to do this everyday! No matter what!
We function as a team. No divides. We cheer each other on daily, come rain, come shine.
It’s easier to do life with such a man and to listen to what he has to say because he’s not thinking everyday he needs to prove his “manhood” by holding me, the woman, under some form of captivity and hindering me from soaring because I am a woman and he is insecure about who he is and what he represents. To add insult to injury, he is not even reasonable enough to admit his wrongs and own his weaknesses.
Is one man really less of a man because he is a man that chooses to be there for his wife and children? While the other concludes Monday to Friday, 9-5, and “bringing home the bacon” is all he needed to do to be a man in his home. Is this really true?
Where did this notion come from?
So I imagine that this my husband’s schoolmate was possibly stunt because it was during the day, and he might have wondered where I was and why it was my husband babysitting at that time.
See some people only work 9 – 5, while of course some have more flexible working hours because they work for themselves, which my husband does. In addition, he still has a full time job that is super flexible because he has it like that with the company he works for. He is that valuable and indispensable to them that they are willing to work around his schedule.
Possibly something this old schoolmate didn’t know because he didn’t even give hubby a chance to really tell him what he has been up to. Instead, jumped the gun because he now worked for a “prestigious” company and is feeling really alpha – as in the “alpha-male” kind of status.
It could be that my husband from his business and his full time work put together earns more than this his friend, but how is he supposed to know when he hadn’t even cared to ask? (Of course, I’m not one to make such comparisons. I’m not one to say my butt is bigger than yours… I am just saying.)
I’m of the opinion, if I’m not adding value to you, why are we friends? If you are not adding to me, what are we talking about? You can’t be friends with someone that neither of you is impacting the other – either me to you, you to me but the ideal is we are adding value to each other.
So my husband’s decision not to want to engage this guy further didn’t surprise me. It’s in his right to make that decision.
This incident has got me thinking and I have started to wonder about what it might be like for some men when they have had their ego stripped away by a more dominant woman – ‘the alpha-female’ – who has turned the table around, flipped over the boring page and cut out the megalomaniac nonsense?
That would be a fun post to write – ‘what it means for men and women when they are faced with the opposite side of the coin’.
Or maybe I’d get my husband to write it – share his opinion from a man’s perspective? We’d see.
In the meantime, I have a question: Do you think men should not get involve with the day-to-day upbringing of their children? Do you think it’ just the woman’s job? If so, why?
Please let me know your thoughts. Drop a line and let’s discuss.
You can also send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org